Sunday, September 21, 2008

Epiphany

I've realized that I'm an asshole.

But not a prick.

I am redeemable.

(Was that a haiku, I'm not sure)

Never negotiate with a 2 year-old

Recent conversation with the little-guy:

Andrew: "Bumpa come." (Me aka Bumpa)

Bumpa: "Bumpa's tired right now. Why don't you sit next to me and we can read."

Andrew: "Bumpa come."

Bumpa: "Would you like some cheese? There's that stringy petroleum-based fake-mozza stuff that mommy buys in the fridge. Bumpa will get you some."

Andrew: "Bumpa come."

Bumpa: "Oh. You know what? I think the Backyardigans are on. If you're nice and quiet and sit next to Bumpa we'll watch it together. It's the one where they're on a volcanic island and Austin, the one noone really gives a crap about gets sacrificed to appease Pele the wrathful volcano God."

Andrew: "Bumpa come."

Bumpa: "It's rest time. Weeee...rest time. You like rest time. Bumpa likes rest time too. Bumpa likes rest time because he's spent the last six hours making the really funny ouchy face every single time you hit him in the head with the remote."

Andrew: "Bumpa come."

Bumpa: "Bumpa can't come right now, because Bumpa's afraid of having a coronary and being found by mommy, daddy, and grammy face down in the rhododendron - like that scene in the Godfather - with you giggling and dancing around Bumpa spraying him with insecticide and yelling "Bumpa hiding! Bumpa hiding!"

Andrew: "Bumpa come."

Bumpa: "Ok. Bumpa Come."

Thursday, July 24, 2008

I have empty chairs.

I have a table.

I have plates and cutlery.

I have potatoes, yams, and parsnips on the grill.

I have beer, wine and some private stock chilling in the refrigerator.

I have stories to tell, ideas to propose and unpopular opinions to defend.

I have empty chairs.